My Inner Critic

I am mostly an optimistic person, I tend to show my positive sides to people, so that my negative moods will not influence them. I rarely express my negative inner thought to people because I think complaining is useless. I do not often struggle with the annoyance and the hatred I have, but sometimes some words and quotes do stick in my mind for a while. I did not do much planning for this piece of work. My ideas came right away, and I wanted to draw all of them down immediately.

 

In this drawing created by me, the image can be illustrated to two sections. The main section is the blue hair part where I include sayings I heard from others, the sentences I always say to myself and things I think about all the time. These words I wrote in three different colours suggest the conflicts in my mind. I wrote all of them in Mandarin because I feel that my inner critic is a very personal thing. The three colours I apply are in three different layers. The first layer is in red. Red is a very compelling colour. It connotes blood and fire sometimes, but here I only want to use red because it contrasts with the other layers. This layer shows the sentences or "comment" I get from people around me. They are not inactive, but they can hurt my confidence. Even though these sentences remind me of my weakness, but I often doubt my ability after hearing them. The second layer is in light grey. I wrote the words slightly smaller as they appear when I am frustrating on something, or when I get lazy to do nothing. I dislike myself when I have these opinions, because once I am lazy, I start to complain to myself about the work I have not yet finished. The words only let be lazier instead of being studious. The last layer in black is some questions  and sentences of comfort. I have my way of coping myself, and these sentences allow me to reflect on myself. 

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I used markers and colour pencils to paint the hair blue. Blue is a feeling of sadness. When my inner critics and my own voice conflict with each other, my mood is low. The colour lighter blue I use looks very pure and translucent. I like how markers create a very misty but thin layer to my drawing.  I drew the hair as if it is loosen so that the words can be everywhere. The loose hair also kind of go beyond the page. I did it this way, so that these critical thoughts can go away or to "fly" out of my head. The background is in black and grey. Both colours contrast with the blue hair. I want to create a sense of gloom so my mood can be expressed when my inner critic is controversial. The square is like a safe zone I set for myself to protect me from breaking down. 

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The face looks abstract, but it is a reflection of myself when I am stressed out from the thoughts inside my mind. It looks alike when I do the same facial expression. I use circling lines to embody my dizzy mind. I feel uncomfortable thinking about all the critics. The exclamation mark in my mouth represents my shocks where I here something that is not true about me from others. All in all a want to portray an exaggerated facial expression of my own as a reflection of my real life reaction.

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The shirt in the drawing has tangled lines in all shades of black. It shows the complexity of my inner critic. I really want to forget about negative opinions I have of myself, but they are too difficult to get rid of.

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Above is all I want to share about why I create this drawing, the theme of this drawing is gloomy and hopefully there is some release in it. I hope that I can care less about the outside voices about me. I should stay as optimistic as I always am and demonstrate my best to the others.

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